Obit example

http://www.suntimes.com/output/obituaries/cst-nws-croc04.html

I read Steve Irwin's obituary.

1. One thing that is missing from the obituary is Steve Irwin's birthdate and birthplace. They are items that are required for obituaries, but was left out of this article.
2. As a whole, the article was a little plain. It seemed sort of rushed. There weren't many anecdotes or stories about his life. The obituary seemed very bare.
3. I liked this paragraph: He collapsed at Batt Reef, near Low Isle and the resort town of Port Douglas, Queensland state police said in a statement. Port Douglas is about 1,260 miles north of Brisbane, the state capital.
It gives a clear sense of where the accident took place. One thing that I am not sure about is the first two words. This was the first article I read that said Irwin collapsed. It was my understanding that he was swimming above the sting ray and the barb pierced his heart and he died almost instantly. I think the accuracy of that statement can be called into question.
4. The last paragraph is a good addition to the obit."Stingrays have flat bodies and tails with serrated spines, which contain venom and can cause cuts and puncture wounds. The creatures are not aggressive and injury usually occurs when a swimmer or diver accidentally steps on one"
It gives the reader a sense of what the sting ray is like. The paragraph explains it is not an aggresive creature and eludes to the fact that this was a freak occurance. The description of the animal probably gives the reader a lot better idea of what the ray is like. There seems to be all of the essential information about a sting ray in a short paragraph. It was short, to the point and effective.
5. "Irwin was famous for his enthusiasm for wildlife and his catchword "Crikey!" in his television program "Crocodile Hunter," which was first broadcast in Australia in 1992 and has aired around the world on the Discovery channel" is another good paragraph. When reading it, you can almost hear Irwin yelling "crikey." I think the article helps it hit home, that a man that was a legendary outdoorsman, that mostly everybody knew by his enthusiasm and his catch phrase has died. I don't know if anybody who reads the article who is familiar with Irwin can read that paragraph without hearing his voice in their head. It is my favorite part of the entire obituary.