Russ's Obit Comments

Lead: Good lead- has all the info needed but possibly make it more concise?
Rewrite: Viona E. Ginnow, a petite woman full of energy who passionately devoted over 30 years of her life as an elementary school educator, died in her sleep Tuesday night of natural causes at her home on Crown Drive. She was 80.

2nd Paragraph:
-Get rid of 1st comma
-“Her fill of numerous jobs like being a:…” – awkward phrase
Rewrite: While receiving her education, Ginnow worked numerous jobs including...

3rd Paragraph:
-One room rural what?
-Is "managed" the correct word to use?
-Change grades "one through eight" to: first through eighth
-StudentÂ’s readings = studentsÂ’ readings

5th Paragraph
-"Eventually she had to call the mother and report his actions." To me it seems like this sentence should follow an explanation of what the boy was doing in class but it does not.
-The student soon left her classroom and she moved on in her career. Did he have to leave because of trouble in his home or because he graduatedÂ…unclear to me.


12th Paragraph
-Maybe think of ending the obit with more about Ginnow instead of a story about a girl she tutored- in order for peopleÂ’s last thoughts to be about her and some of her characteristics. Again...only a suggestion.

Final Paragraph
-She will be "buried from St. MaryÂ’s Church." Do you mean at St. MaryÂ’s Church?


Good Job!!